dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
