Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
