laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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