I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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