how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
