Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
