It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
