I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
