Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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