i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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