Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
