I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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