Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
