so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
