i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
