i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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