now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
