And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
