Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
