as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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