I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
