I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize