I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
