I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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