i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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