There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
