The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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