Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
