Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
