Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
