Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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