I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
