I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
