I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
