Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
