hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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