dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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