you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
