one might say we're banned from that church
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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