So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
