you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
