so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
