How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
