their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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