i love accidental penises.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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