return my video game
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
