So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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