I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize