Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
