My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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