OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize