Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
