We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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