I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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