We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
