sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You made out with two different species that night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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