Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize