Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
