It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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