Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
