So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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