I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
