6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
