You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
