Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
