we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We are two peas in an std pod
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
