My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
