The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
