I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
